“Are You More Like Mary or Martha?”

For years, I’d hear this question come up in church circles or in sermons. “So, are you more like Mary or Martha?”

And every single time, I'd smile, tilt my head thoughtfully, and think (or respond with) something like, “Hmm, I'd say probably a bit of both!”

Everyone else around me would nod resolutely knowing which woman they more identified with.

But…

I had absolutely no idea who Mary and Martha were!

I was pretty sure this Mary wasn’t Jesus’ mother Mary, or Mary Magdalene. But otherwise I had no clue. Shameful, right?

It wasn't until I finally sat down and read their story that I understood why people ask that question at all, and why the answer is so much more interesting than all of those personality quizzes floating out there.

The story of the two sisters points to what it looks like to follow Jesus in faith. And the more I study them, the more I find the question isn't so simple.

Mary and Martha were two sisters from a small village called Bethany, just outside Jerusalem. They show up in three separate Gospel accounts, Luke 10, John 11, and John 12, and their brother, Lazarus, is relevant to their entire story. More on that later...

We know that Jesus traveled a lot during His ministry. Bethany was basically His home base when He visited Jerusalem.

And so Martha’s house was like a place of refuge, where He could get some much needed rest.

John's Gospel tells us plainly that “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus” (John 11:5). They were His friends!

Jesus and His disciples arrive at the house. Martha is generally believed to be the older of the two, mostly because the house is referred to as her home in Luke 10:38.

Martha, being Martha, immediately gets to work. There's food to prepare, guests to attend to, a household to manage.

We get the sense that she’s practical and action-oriented, the kind of person who sees what needs to be done and is already doing it before anyone else has finished thinking about it. She was the essence of hospitality.

I find it interesting that Martha was giving Jesus a command out of her frustration. “Tell her to help me!” It’s so easy for me to be judgmental and wonder how she had the audacity to be so demanding.

And then I think about all the times that I’ve wanted Him to act selfishly on my part, also out of frustration. Hmmm…

Now Mary was different. She sits down at Jesus' feet. Contemplative, spiritually attentive, the kind of person who got quiet when something important was being said because she doesn't want to miss it.

While Martha moved around, Mary sat still. While Martha served, Mary listened.

Have you ever tried to get someone’s attention? I often find that I have to call out their name more than once to get them to stop and notice me.

And here we see Jesus getting Martha’s attention, calling her name twice. Yet it’s a gentle redirect instead of a condescending rebuke.

In the culture of the day, sitting at a rabbi's feet was the posture of a disciple. But it was a role that was almost exclusively held by men. Mary, a woman, is there at His feet because she wanted to learn.

I don’t think Jesus was saying that serving is bad, or that Martha's hospitality was irrelevant.

He was gently exposing her state of being, she was worried, distracted, anxious. She'd gotten so consumed with serving Jesus that she'd chosen to not be in His presence.

Mary chose what was “better,” which was to be close to Jesus. Fully attentive and present.

I think it’s way too easy to just say, “oh yeah, I’m totally a Martha!” or “I’m so relieved to be a Mary!” Because I believe most of us are somewhere in the middle.

On any given day it seems, I’m running around trying to check all the right boxes. I’ve got things to do, deadlines to get in front of, places to rush off to. I know that I need to slow down, but I don’t.

But I also know that there are plenty of times when I’m fully in His presence. When I’m studying the Bible, or praying, or at church, or in fellowship with others. When I’m giving thanks for His abundant provision. Or when I’m struggling to process pain and suffering and realize that I can’t cope on my own.

I find that “Mary or Martha” question is a fun starting point, but what the story is really asking underneath it is something a little deeper.

“Where is your attention right now?”

If you've never really read about Mary and Martha before, you might want to spend some time going through Luke 10:38-42.

Which sister do you relate to as you move through your day, your week, your life? I don’t think that there’s a right/wrong answer! Both women were loved by Jesus and they both had a role to play.

Instead of trying to become more like Mary or more like Martha, my focus is to pay attention to what Jesus is saying to me. That’s what matters most.

Now, the story doesn’t end here. Next, we'll find Mary and Martha in the middle of something much harder. I invite you to continue with the next post on my Mary and Martha series.